Instead of spending your days locked in the house to shoot the zombies on X-Box ruining your health, you can finally do it outdoors. Just watch out for bites, even those ruin your health.
A ship is a good shelter. It will be difficult to replenish supplies, but the zombies while breathing underwater, walk on the bottom. If you want to take a bath, be sure to go far from the seashore.
The recommended vehicle is the motorcycle: even a SUV can’t go far on roads strewn with rubble and carcasses of cars. In addition it consumes more.
Another typical shelter is the prison: good protection, isolated from the outside world, offers thousands of accommodation. The only counter-indication, you're in jail.
Islands, beaches and other places protected from the sea are a very bad choice: the zombies do not breathe and the water gives them a perfect system to approach without being seen.
If you have a two-storey house, make sure you bolt all entrances to the ground and if possible destroy the stairs. Satellite antenna is on the roof, and with the streets burst by the undead you don’t need other things.
Nobody knows today how the devil looks like, but if you approach a guy who looks like Jack Nicholson, Al Pacino or De Niro is a bad sign.
What’s our first weapon against zombies? Intelligence. This doesn’t mean you have to challenge them to chess.
No, no, no. No matter what they do in Independence Day, you can not infect
the network of an advanced alien fleet with a computer virus of the 90's.
the network of an advanced alien fleet with a computer virus of the 90's.
If you have lived a very dissolute life and you're already resigned to hell, bring a lid as the only provision. Given that the devil makes the pots but not the lids, the lid will be almost irreplaceable to barter.
What’s the ideal place to defend yourselves from zombies? A stadium. Secured in sideways, can hold thousands of people, the playing field can be cultivated, and you have never seen the zombies facing the turnstiles!
No stress: in a world where cities are pulverized to expanses of vitrified
ash, any restaurant you choose will be fine.
ash, any restaurant you choose will be fine.
If you're in Detroit, cheer up, the landscape will not be much worse than
that to which you were accustomed to. And the green mist is also funny, or
not?
that to which you were accustomed to. And the green mist is also funny, or
not?
Do you have problems with a race of alien cannibals? Perhaps the right
solution is to eat only songino and drink only soy milk, as long as your
meat will taste like tofu.
solution is to eat only songino and drink only soy milk, as long as your
meat will taste like tofu.
Although it may seem like a good idea, to stop a group of zombies the burst of gunfire to head height is not always the best choice: they aren’t all the same height!
Okay, there are twenty degrees below zero and mammoths are refusing to go
out into the garden, but at least no one will take more fun of you if you're
male and you like ice skating.
out into the garden, but at least no one will take more fun of you if you're
male and you like ice skating.
The robots must have some source of energy. If you do not find the plug, try
to immerse yourself in an inventor of robots: where would you put to make it
retractable?
to immerse yourself in an inventor of robots: where would you put to make it
retractable?
The fish are no longer edible, even if they seem freshly caught, judging by
the color of their three eyes.
the color of their three eyes.
Some alien races would just exterminate us because we are stupid. Show them
the opposite solving in mind Eisenberg inequalities under 13.
the opposite solving in mind Eisenberg inequalities under 13.
It is unknown whether the sex in paradise is made or not (all the evidence leads to support the hypothesis that is unlikely). The only recommendation: in any case, NO to condoms.
Contrary to common opinion, the best weapon to split half a human skull is the battle-axe. In the absence of anything better, there are the fire-resistent one.
Learn to be content: OK, your dryer has been destroyed by fiery-hot rain,
but the sun nine times hotter for the greenhouse effect, isn't enough?
but the sun nine times hotter for the greenhouse effect, isn't enough?
No, no, no. No machination behind the machines will make friends with them.
They do not have that kind of sense of humor.
They do not have that kind of sense of humor.
Have you seen the strange animals out there? Dolly, the cloned sheep,
suddenly seems a royal dinner.
suddenly seems a royal dinner.
Often the aliens try to mingle among humans. Some do mixing inside humans.
It is very painful, hope that doesn't happen to you.
It is very painful, hope that doesn't happen to you.
Ok, now you're in front of the Creator of all things and you realize that is Manitou. You have two things to do: hope none of your ancestors took part in the colonization of America; say that your favorite movie is "Dances with Wolves"
Kill a zombie with bow and arrows can be tedious, slow and dangerous. But if you convert to fire arrows, fun and destruction are guaranteed!
In a world where 91% of the population is buried under two hundred meters of
snow, you can be successful at the first date.
snow, you can be successful at the first date.
Do not worry about the separate collection of rubbish, it is made by the
machines. You go in the wet waste.
machines. You go in the wet waste.
In the long afternoons of nuclear winter, try to invent new games:
guaranteed fun with "One, two, three ... mushroom."
guaranteed fun with "One, two, three ... mushroom."
If you play the guitar, a boy-scout songbook will be a good source of inspiration. If you have brought with you only this guide, nothing serious: here are chord of emergency "I lift my eyes"- A/E B/E A/E B/E A/E B/E A/E B/E.
A study by the International Observatory of the Undead noted that 67% of brain-eater zombies prefer to start by left hemisphere. Keep this in mind.
If you find a spider in the soup, wait before you complain. Is it alive? Well, it's an indication that the soup is incompatible with life forms based on carbon.
In case of flooding of the Earth, the real secret is to do as Kevin Costner
in Waterworld: having the gills.
in Waterworld: having the gills.
To kill the boredom of post-bomb, invent new games: a classic post-nuclear
game is 'names, things, rubble'.
game is 'names, things, rubble'.
It seems that up there they appreciate instruments such as sounding bronzes and echoing cymbals. If you play the guitar stick scrupulously to the repertoire of Church music.
Before the others think about it, open a discount of gas masks. Call Pneumathlon, and you'll be lucky.
In case of flooding of the Earth, you may be forced to drink your urine, but
don't worry: even Kevin Costner did it.
don't worry: even Kevin Costner did it.
The cars see with sensors similar to those of a camera; so never stop moving
and look in the camera: red eyes would scare them.
and look in the camera: red eyes would scare them.
In a post-apocalyptic world everyone can have his weapons. As in America,
but without the idiot accent.
but without the idiot accent.
Some aliens can take human form. Careful who you kiss or syphilis will be
the last of your problems.
the last of your problems.
If you are out fishing and you realize that you put a hook in the mouth of Leviathan, don’t try to bring it to shore.
For safety, at carnival, why don’t you dress up as cockroaches-killer? The suit is nice, makes you slender and is completely isolated.
The Maya have provided for the end of civilization in 2012. It's ok. But if
they had been so clever to predict these things, they would keep away by the
conquistadors, or not?
they had been so clever to predict these things, they would keep away by the
conquistadors, or not?
Is there left a condom in your wallet? Do not waste it as a contraceptive in
a world where 92% of the human race has been burned as fuel, but rather use
it as a flask.
a world where 92% of the human race has been burned as fuel, but rather use
it as a flask.
Only rucksacks and bags. You are all trolley maniacs, but think when the
wheels will be covered with radioactive mud, what fun.
wheels will be covered with radioactive mud, what fun.
Do you look for the resistance? You find them on the mountains, with spears
of bone, wooden houses and dressed in skins of bear. It may not sound like
much, but the aliens girls are all there.
of bone, wooden houses and dressed in skins of bear. It may not sound like
much, but the aliens girls are all there.
The doomsday should start with four skeletons riding terrible blazing horses: they are the horsemen of the apocalypse and you must keep away. If instead of 4 they are 9, you may have run into Nazgul of “the Lord of the Rings”.
Don’t let the emaciated look fools you: those bastards have seven lives like a cat. And sometimes they are also genetically fused with the cat.
Don’t envy the healthy, exploit your supercontagious illness: do you like something that the healthy have? Touch him and will be yours!
The Ice Age can be a bother, but look at the bright side: no more warm beer.
Think again. Not little.
Think again. Not little.
Many robots dream of becoming like humans. Some are planning to do it,
dressing up your skin.
dressing up your skin.
If the first thing you do in the morning is check to see if it's morning or
evening, perhaps you should change the area.
evening, perhaps you should change the area.
It is said that many aliens are vulnerable to Xaughat't Hurukagita. We have
only to understand what it is.
only to understand what it is.
It seems that on doomsday you will come out from your graves naked or, if all is well, with genitals barely covered by white fluttering clothes. Well, even with the most beautiful specimen of the opposite sex, is strictly forbidden to have impure thoughts. If you are a woman, God will see you. If you’re a man, all will see you.
The zombies come like a river in flood, then the most important thing is to choose the right time to recharge. For example, when the first of the line bends over to pick up his eye.
After the massacre everything could happen: you may be the boss of a company with 1000 employees. And that company could have 1,000 fewer employees.
Don't rely too much on Gore-Tex and other newness: if it rains vitriol there
no technical apparel will be enough.
no technical apparel will be enough.
If there isn't anything else, try to make friends with a robot who dreams of
becoming human. It may save your life if you pretend to explain the meaning
of the lyrics by April Lavigne.
becoming human. It may save your life if you pretend to explain the meaning
of the lyrics by April Lavigne.
If you leave the house, you can meet: a) the neighbours b) none c) your new
mutant masters d) your new mutant AND cannibal masters. Your choice!
mutant masters d) your new mutant AND cannibal masters. Your choice!
Sometimes it's just a color: many aliens are allergic to purple, in fact
last year we haven't seen them around.
last year we haven't seen them around.
It seems that in Paradise you drink much coffee. If anyone offers you a coffee don’t say no: it may be St. Peter.
Well, if they are zombies, the most important thing to do is to shoot, shoot, shoot. But sooner or later in any attack comes the time of dynamite. Be ready and stay at the right distance from the charge.
Surviving will be difficult, so don’t expect the Day of Reckoning, then begin immediately to exercise. Begin to walk, from today on, towards the periphery. And don’t ever turn around.
The lack of food, escapes by the skin of your teeth and the ecosystem
similar to sauna will ensure you a perfect form.
similar to sauna will ensure you a perfect form.
Some super-evolved machines can take the aspect of human beings. Pray to be
you those super-evolved machines.
you those super-evolved machines.
Okay, they are boring, but at least in the doomsday forget the damn poets and start reading them.
Keep the shoelaces of your victims. When it comes time of dynamite they are perfect as fuse.
In the shadow of the virus, the girls will significantly lower their standards: erected and with the skin attached to the muscles it’s all you have to promise.
Behind the Great Wall. Provides protection from the Mongols, Huns, and
people like that. And if you think that there are no more, take a look down
the street.
people like that. And if you think that there are no more, take a look down
the street.
Get used to reason on interstellar scale: if they took the Earth, perhaps
the easiest thing would be to change the solar system.
the easiest thing would be to change the solar system.
If you see that God is purple and has six arms, once before him avoid the songs of Red Gen and say few words of appreciation for the cows and spicy foods.
After some time zombies are around you, you will want to make them the verse: please do, they don’t notice anything.
Humanity is about to be exterminated by a deadly pandemic, and are you still drinking from the bottle? Have a little of common sense!
A peaceful and relaxing place is always the Antarctic. But the low
temperatures make it more difficult for re-settle, if you know what I mean.
temperatures make it more difficult for re-settle, if you know what I mean.
Fleeing by car is always a solution, however, be sure to fill up before the
alien invasion.
alien invasion.
If you're already dead, remember that you must go out from the grave to be judged. The advice is to opt for a cheap coffin, such as those on sale at Wall Mart, that can be broken also by skeletal hands, and it’s important to avoid oak and ash trees that are the most resistant. The last thing you want is to miss a resurrection because the quality of your coffin is too good.
Okay, you can also spend the night in the morgue, but there is the rule of hourly hotels: you can’t open the drawers.
For Heaven’s sake, at least now, with 98% of the human race infected from a deadly virus, use a condom!
New job opportunities: you could do the robot that stacks garbage and you
could pick up a robot-girl that seems an iPod.
could pick up a robot-girl that seems an iPod.
Be careful not to get caught with a Norton Antivirus by those of resistence,
you risk lynching.
you risk lynching.
A safe haven could be Atlantis, a city protected by millions of cubic meters
of water. Contraindications? May not exist.
of water. Contraindications? May not exist.
Fleeing is always a dignified option in front of a space battleship.
Helicopters and planes will be fine, just be aware there isn't also the
President of the United States on board.
Helicopters and planes will be fine, just be aware there isn't also the
President of the United States on board.
According to many people, carrying a holy picture would reduce the penalty in the case of Purgatory.
It’s strange, but post offices are a good choice: you just plug up the loophole by which you can pass the envelopes and you can easily talk to friends and relatives through the glass.
For those who don't want to work: in case of flooding, apply for a job in
the fire service.
the fire service.
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